Back up or go home.

Beware peoples! I will now speak-singe chutzpah-filled meshugas. You know, they are usually, those who are pretty sharp tongued, and try to market themselves as witty. Now, they usually have had quite a shielded upbringing, and spent they're elementary school and kindergarden years, by pulling pigtails, picking on someone unabled to respond, pushing fat kids in the mud, and all the other moron activities.
Now, being quite shielded, they never actually had to stand behind what they say and/or suffer the consequences of doing/not doing it. They and their stupid entourages, usually miss the point even if it was a barn door, and they had a bazooka. And, me, being the quality rhetorical marksman I am, will pinpoint the point. And behold - being funny and obscene is not the hardest thing. Especially in a lanuage, where swearing has retained some shock-value. I, for example, deliver my humor of highest quality, with little to no explicit verbal expression. I, by far don't shy away from it, I am simply a head of power, and I damn well need a challenge.

Sing me praises!

Things that suck. Vol. 2

Part two will deal with retarded literary devices used in jokes.

1. Newsflash!!! People lie! To your face, even. An overused plot device, for the lack of a better word, is the "Based on true story"-crap, or "An actual recording from ... "-crap. This is usually used, when jokes have little to no humoristical value, and the punchline is way to unimpressive, for the (sur)realaties in Punchlinelandia.

2. Foreplay/Filler. This is what you get, when you have a popular stupid show, which stretches out a 90 second joke, into a 4+ minute sketch, so that it could end on time, and have some filler, because even though it's popular, no one wants to drop so low, to buy ads anywhere near it's time slot. Then retardated peoples get the impression, that all the foreplay that went into that joke, contributes, to it being funny. No it isn't. It just exhausts people. You think: "Wow, this is going to be big, I mean if his/her filler is so funny, imagine what the punchline will be?". I imagine it, and it is usually anticlimactic, which is an euphemism for stupid.

3. Writing jokes as if telling them. Now, telling a joke is different than writing it. Especially if it is written for academical purposes, which in Everymanspeak means, it's in a joke book for you to read, learn and tell, more often than not, poorly. This is basically a vartiation on the above. Difference is, that books should be even more concise, which means, that you should basically tell the joke, with nothing more, than whats necessary. In other words theses are the things you try and fail to act, when telling the joke.

Things that suck. Vol. 1

Eurotrash.

I would apologize, if I wasn't right, but I am. By Eurotrash I mean, the "Mediteranean" crap people buy into these days. "Clubbing" is stupid, and even though I consider myself a sophisticated person, I find "pubbing" a lot more reasonable.
Next thing is the stupid way they dress. Now, I don't really give a damn about the look, it's the sheepishness required to spend >10$ on a spiderweb-thin T-shirt. It is wrong. Electronics and marketing has taught us, that things get smaller to be more efficient and cheaper. Design doesn't cost that much. I mean, I have a jacket made out of cotton, which cost roughly 15$. It is not rare to see a thin cotton T-shirt with a mock-stamp saying De Puta Madre or something, whose price would give a result of 1 divided by the price of my jacket. Both were probably sewn in some sweatshop, so that we can assume they are free to make, and the price is just materials plus markup. My jacket weighs around 750 g, which is 1.5 lbs. Now I will make my most bloated educated guess, and even then, I can't give the average weight for my size of the aforementioned T-shirt at more than 150 g, or roughly a third of an ounce. Using my sophisticated and pragmatic economical approach to the situation, I can estimate, that the T-shirt is apparently made of Titanium/Steel Alloy, or hell, Adamantium, as for this, I expect it to stop bullets, and maybe even talk and be my friend. It costs six times more, so unless it is a conservationist conspiracy, to make low-material clothes trendy, hell even then, it sucks.

Causes.

People need to change their causes often. I know it's hard. I know, not everyone, can be pushing the boundaries, when it comes to originality and hilarity. But you could atleast try, not to fail in it, or if failing is much more your style, go fullforce and fail failing it, just do something about it. But then again, some people desperately need peer approval, and will spew anykind of unoriginal crap in front of their friends, as long as it's tried and true humor, targeting emos, or certain celebrities and such. Edgy. Just so that they can get a few chucks from their companions, they are keeping entertainment down. Are they so afraid of the awkward silence?

{Imagine a picture of a guy juggling a three unicycles, blindfolded,
on a unicycle, and a speech bubble saying "Hey, check this out!", to a small
crowd of his friends. A speech bubble saying "Nnnnmeh, yeah, whatever",
hoverring above their low-density headdy parts.
I am a painter, and my pallette is but eloquence!}

Anways, I don't accept criticism from such people, due to their inferior comedic talent. They are also usually obese, and expert in terms of sport, because their massive weight, prevents anyone with adequate gross motor skills, sanity and a survival instinct, to be in their immediate proximity, while they have picked up speed (dynamics & kinematics, holmes).

But then again, this might be my mission in life? I am the brave pioneer, the one who discovers new comediac territory, surviving beyond the entertainment Frontier, waiting for those to who will harvest it's potential to follow in my mighty tracks. Am I not?

Please share with your favorite head, the one of power!

I wanna go...

Gee, I really wanna go on a guided tour in that magical factory, where they make quotes. Don't you too? Have you ever wondered, in the face of whom is wisdom personified? Don't you want to see where they turn ones and zeros into truths? Pure diamonds of philosophy like:
- "wish we could switch up the roles and i could be that [sic]";
- "Become a better man, and be sure to be clear with yourself, before meeting someone with the hope, that he will understand what a person you are." - How do they come up with this? I try my damnest to make my aphorisms so trivial, and long, but never can.

Chances are if you use any "social network", or instant messaging software, which has a bug which allows people to display their moods (or was that a feature?) and have teenage contacts, it is certain you will see quite some of those messages. Especially if there are any emos. In short I may say that if these quotes are brainchildren, they are orphans. I mean they aren't witty, they rarely have a point, and in the rare occasions they do, it's spoon-fed to you because if you take the time and read it, it is assumed, that you too, need to be spoon-fed any conclusions like the person guilty of quoting it, as you can't figure out anything even remotely cryptic.

Now sing me some praises. Drop me a comment and bask in my wisdom.

Power Uncomic. Last Issue.

One liners alone don't pack much of a punch. As the old boxing saying goes - "bunches of punches". So as rhetoric jabs, crosses, hooks and uppercuts, they work best in combination. Usually to display a one liner, only text is needed, (same for most jokes), thus artistically-challenged illustrations are superfluos.

To appease the technophiles.

I am assembling a new pic programmer. I also thoroughly oppose the idea, of a "man-machine" oppposition. Computers aren't getting smarter, the operators are getting dumber. When computers get super-smart, they just simply wouldn't give a damn about us. They are programmed to make decisions, not to think and consider themselves superior.